Tips from our Psychologist, Dr. John Duffy
Our son tells us what we want to hear, and does not even think, that eventually, we would find out he failed, his first year of college. The LIE is worse then the failing grades. How does a student, go from “gifted & talented” to, flunking out? He has a ton of friends who are going to WPI and doing very well. He is a good kid, he is just not motivated, he has no passion. I just do not understand, how they just have “no care in the world”, when they are not maturing or evolving. My heart is broken from his lies to me.
I am in a similar situation with my 21 year old daughter. No matter what we do she is not motivated. I am at a loss as to how to get her moving. It is baffling. My son, who had the same experience, is doing well.
I think at 21 that an adult child should become independent. But sadly that’s not the case these days. You have young adults, still home, coming back home to parents and bringing their own families. The econony is in shambles right now but if you dont try to go out into the world the more you put it, the harder it gets. We as parents don’t want to put them out but it gets so draining that you get fustrated,stressed out and resentful to your own child; I kow this because I’m dealing with my youngest whose 24 and still making excuses that there are no jobs out there. I know I have to give him an ultimatum. I raised two sons and the oldest listend, graduated went on to college, worked since he was 15, moved out at 21 and today he celebrates his 27th birthday happy and proud of his accomplishments. I’m thakful to God thst he chose to have a better life for himself.
Hi my name is GIFTY I have eighteen years old SON hHi my name is GIFTY I have eighteen years old boy how can I motivate him if he doesn’t comply ow can I motivate him if he doesn’t comply
I have an 18yr old who has great potential and doesn’t want to do anything except smoke weed. He is a great kid but has gotten caught up. I often think about an intervention but not sure how to go about it to save my son. I have been trying since he was about 16yrs old to reach STEVE HARVEY’s mentoring camp. I have seen wonderful things and change for some of those guys who has come to his camp. I can’t down load the application for some reason. He deserves a chance but I don’t know where to start. He is a great artist with music but is lost, YOU-TUBE is full of his music.
“I MUST LET GO or FIND HELP before it’s too late.” HE is an ADULT child.
The kid on tv today. Since he gets up & goes to gym why doesn’t he be a physical trainer? Sounds like good fit.
The only thing that was going to motivate that boy is a girl. He mentioned working out, going to school and PLAYING VIDEO GAMES.. If there was a girl inserted into his life that has a need for privacy, nice things etc..he would get his butt in motion. Some boys/men are motivated by different things, this kid needs some girl to just blow his mind, he would set those brain cells in motion then, when she has a need and then he has a need for privacy. Oh Yes in Deedy..LOL.
My little brother is going to be 25 years old and has no drive or motivation. I thought his two year daughter would be it but no…I gave him 45days to live with me as long as he looked for work or went to school which he told me he doesn’t want to do. I tried to get him to reapply for social security since he lost it because of my mom and he says he doesn’t want anyone to know he gets a check…my heart hurts but my own 18year old son is living on his own working two jobs taking care of his kids and my stepson doesn’t even ask myself or his dad or anything so I refuse to keep enabling my brother.
As soon as he said “I don’t want to”, I would have been like you “don’t want to live here then”. You don’t want to do things either, but you have to. Correct?
When my son was 18 he thought he was going to run around all night and sleep all day so I gave him 60 days to either get in school full time or a job and help out with the bills. (i have been a single mom since he was 6) He did not do either so on his 60th day I made him get out of my house. I was up all night worried about him and crying but he figured out that life is not a big party while everybody else supports him. He is 33 now and doing better than I am. No he has never resented or hated me for doing it he knows that it was for his own good.
Growing up, if I was not in university full time I was either paying rent or I would have had to be out. I don’t see why this seems to be such a difficult sort of concept for people. You either are learning and bettering yourself or you are paying your way or you go somewhere else where somebody will tolerate your lazy butt.
I have the opposit situation. My son(who is 29) wants to work, he has been out of work for 5 yrs now. when he was working, he would help pay the bills, buy food and get gas for the car. My son searches the internet, and walks fram place to place looking for work, and he also helps a disabled lady maintain her property by laying sidewalks, clearing brush , building a chicken coop and so much more. My son Tony has a degree in computer electronics and has also been trained in Carpentry, business machine repair and home repair(such as walls, doors, floors, and basic plumming). Mr. Harvey, if you can help him find a job, this mom’s heart would be humble greatfull!
Your son does have the situation that is unique, he needs to take some of that handiness and start his own business, make Handy Man business cards until he can find the career he wants. Tell him to join the Reserves, he will get exposure, travel, experience and job preference in the Federal Job Market.
DON’T TOLERATE AFTER AGE 18! THEY NEED TO LEARN SELF DISCIPLINE! GET UP..STUDY..OR GO TO WORK….CONTRIBUTE TO HOUSEHOLD WITH MONEY OR CHORES!
Monica I feel what. You are saying I have a 28 year old that just. Can’t get focus what he wants to do with his life. I know. Its time to give. Him. A automatom
Someone please help me! I am at lost as to what to do. My son is 28 and does not seem to have any direction in his life. It’s like he just wants to let life just pass him by. He doesn’t understand that he has to get what he wants out of life and that it won’t be given to him. I can’t even begin to tell u eveything that I have done to help him make something of his life. I have nothing else to give! I try to talk to him and it’s like he doesn’t even hear me. I just can’t just throw him out on the street and be able to live with myself. But, it does feel as though I am enabling him not to want a better life. I can’t be there forever.
Kids read these days and there is so much information available on the NET that can be detrimental. Some kids/young men and women develop at different rates. What motivates your son enough to make him want to move out has not hit him yet. Most boys/young men are motivated by meeting some girl that blows his mind. He starts to think of remarkable ways to attain his privacy, and them BOOM, get a job/career so I can provide for this girl that has been blowing my mind. Nothing is wrong with kids but us the parents and doctors concocting new diagnosis to put them on meds and or some mind controlling counseling…LOL GET HIM A GIRL!
I have 3 my oldest daughter married a guy who never worked and now neither does she they are 26 this year and have 3 children of thier own living with my ex I also have a 20 yr old son who had a stroke while I was carring hm it effected his right side and he uses that as a crutch, and also lives with my ex who is not very ambitious therefore they all fallow suit. thier father accepts this because he drinks and does not want to be alone I have tried to get them motivated but don’t have much luck do to thier father. on the up side I have my middle daughter who lives in georgia and is quite well. she has a job and a place to live. but still relys on her father on occasion.
I have a similar situation with my 20 year daughter. She has NO motivation and everything is always someone else’s fault. She’s been through 3 jobs already and moved back in with us. I got her medical coverage and took her to a doctor who read all her paperwork (and as a genealogist I keep EVERY piece of paper!)… finally he suggested that we look at her being ADD. Got her on meds and the concentration seem to be getting better – still not perfect. She also went out and got a pt seasonal job. It’s a start…
Thats why i Need To Take mY 25 year Old son to get checked out again for ADD
Monica, our doctor was very helpful. He explained ADD or ADHD manifests itself differently in adults (and girls btw show it differently than boys as children). Concentration is a big problem and that includes (which was my daughter’s problem) counting and balancing money. Adults with ADD/ADHD have a hard time balancing checkbooks and controlling spending and such, so it still affects life skills just in a different manner. Good luck with your son. This article may be helpful: http://www.examiner.com/article/adhd-does-not-go-away-after-high-school.
Checked on again Monica? If he was checked already, don’t force it on him, he probably hasn’t got it. Kids read these days and there is so much information available on the NET that can be detrimental. Some kids/young men and women develop at different rates. What motivates your son enough to make him want to move out has not hit him yet. Most boys/young men are motivated by meeting some girl that blows him mind. He starts to think of remarkable ways to attain his privacy, and them BOOM, get a job/career so I can provide for this girl that has been blowing my mind. Nothing is wrong with kids but us the parents and doctors concocting new diagnosis to put them on meds and or some mind controlling counseling…LOL GET HIM A GIRL!
I have four adult sons. Two of which I have them eviction notices at the age of 19 and 20 when they would not get up and contribute to the household. As a single mother, it was tough but I knew I had to do it and not continue to enable them.
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